What Does It Feel Like for a Religious Parent When Their Children Grow Up to Become Atheists?

Having a child who follows a different path than their parents can be challenging, especially when it comes to faith and religion. As a parent, it's crucial to understand the feelings and experiences associated with this transition. In this article, we will explore the perspectives of a religious parent whose children have chosen different paths, and how they navigate the challenges with grace and understanding.

Navigating Religious Traditions with Myself and My Children

I am Jewish by birth, like my children, but I am transgender, which means I passed on "Jewness" through my DNA. While I still adhere to the core principles of Judaism, life's demands have made it harder for me to maintain a strict religious routine. My husband, on the other hand, is Lutheran, another important factor in our household. We have allowed our children to explore their individual beliefs without imposing rigid religious practices.

Our Children and Their Beliefs

Our eldest child, an adopted son, has adhered to Lutheranism but is non-practicing. Meanwhile, my daughter, Amy, identifies as agnostic, while our younger son, Owen, is almost certainly an atheist. He prefers not to rock the boat, and there's a chance he might even opt for Buddhism someday. Despite their differing beliefs, my main concern is ensuring their safety, helping them find their way, and supporting their achievements.

Respecting Individual Choices

I fully understand the reasons behind their beliefs and consider them valid. This acceptance allows me to refrain from giving lectures, but I do share my perspectives when asked and am curious about theirs. My approach is to encourage mutual respect and understanding. I believe that personal values and beliefs are deeply intertwined, and any individual's choices should be respected regardless of the formation of religious understanding.

While I do think my children may be missing out on something, I don't worry about it affecting their eternal destinations, as I don't believe in heaven or hell based on one's acceptance of a particular theory. My primary focus is on their mental and emotional well-being. My belief is that mentally and emotionally healthy individuals can contribute positively to society, free from the cognitive constraints that religious beliefs can sometimes impose.

Some of my religious friends might express frustration and disappointment, mistakenly assuming that their own religious practices alone are the key to a fulfilling life. They often fail to recognize their significant role in shaping the religious journeys of their offspring. On the other hand, my atheist and agnostic children are, in my opinion, healthier in mind and emotion, and likely to make healthier contributions to society. They are free from the cognitive paralysis and mental disturbances that can result from religious misunderstandings or strict dogmas.