Navigating the ‘Bait and Switch’ in Narcissistic Relationships: Understanding and Avoiding the Devaluing Stage

Introduction

When you love a woman and everything seems perfect, only to be blindsided by her transformation into someone you never expected, it's often referred to as a 'bait and switch'. This happens when a person's true colors come out post-marriage. Just as she fakes her 'best' behavior until she gets what she wants, a narcissist hides their true nature until it's convenient for them.

The Devaluing Stage

Once legally married, a narcissist sheds their facade and starts pulling you down with harsh criticisms and constant belittlement. This is a phase known as the 'devaluing stage'. Just as you might have felt invincible and perfect during the 'Love Bombing' stage, you are now the 'Punching Bag', made to feel inadequate at every turn.

What happened? Well, from a narcissist's perspective, you are simply a means to an end. They are desperately seeking a real 'punching bag' to make them feel better about themselves. They need someone to blame, someone to belittle, to lift them up in a twisted and c?m ??ng way.

The Love Bombing Stage

Before the devaluing stage came the 'Love Bombing' stage. Here, everything was perfect. She projected an ideal image, showering you with affection and attention as if you were the only person in her world. It was like a dream come true. You were loved, adored, and prized—until you were.

The love bombing serves as a facade, a fake version of who she is. It's a trap, a way to gain your trust and manipulate you into giving her everything she wants. This deceptiveness eventually culminates in the devaluing stage, where her true colors are revealed.

Recognizing a Narcissist

The devaluing stage is just one of the symptoms of a narcissist. A narcissist exhibits nine characteristics. You only need to recognize five to suspect that someone might be narcissistic. Here are the nine characteristics:

A grandiose sense of self-importance Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love Belief in being special and unique, deserving only from other special or high-status people Excessive need for admiration Sense of entitlement Exploitative behavior towards others Impaired empathy and unwillingness to recognize the feelings of others Envy and suspicion that others are envious of them Arrogant and haughty attitude

Strategies for Escaping

Once you've recognized the signs and entered the devaluing stage, it’s crucial to understand that this is not personal. She’s not unworthy of love, but she does not want to share her life with you. If you stay, you could become a 'negative supply', someone she uses to feel better about herself at your expense. This is why it's essential to set boundaries and, if possible, distance yourself from the relationship.

Remember, a narcissist's behavior is not just about your past love bombing but their inherent psychological makeup. They can’t help it; it's how they are. Toxic relationships are hurtful and destructive, especially for children. It's better to seek a healthy, balanced relationship even if the 'shiny ball' doesn’t sparkle as intensely.

Conclusion

Dealing with a narcissist and the devaluing stage is never easy. However, staying informed and understanding these patterns can help you navigate the challenges and, eventually, find a healthy relationship free of manipulation and abuse.