Navigating Parenting with a Lifelong Personality Disorder: Advice for Raising a Son
Parenting a child while dealing with a lifelong personality disorder such as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can present unique challenges. For parents looking for guidance, here are some key strategies and insights to help during this journey.
Understanding and Communicating BPD to Your Child
Important Considerations: When dealing with a child, it's crucial to communicate your circumstances in a way that is age-appropriate and considers their emotional development. This conversation, ideally led by a child psychologist experienced with the spectrum and BPD, can lay a foundation for healthier emotional understanding.
Avoid making your child responsible for your emotions. Let them know, both honestly and supportively, that even when you're experiencing heightened moods or emotions, these three key truths always apply:
He is safe. It is not his fault. Everything is okay, including you.Strategies for Emotional Regulation
The most effective strategy for managing emotions involves embracing the principles of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). This includes:
Labeling and validating feelings. Practicing times out and breathing exercises during moments of upset. Recognizing and managing the overwhelming emotions in a structured, methodical manner.When you're having a bad day, reassure your child that you're feeling unwell but they don't need to worry because you can take care of yourself. Emphasize that their job is to be a child and not an emotional caregiver.
Sharing Your Experiences with Your Child
Full transparency can be beneficial. If you have a daughter on the autism spectrum, you likely have extensive experience with emotional regulation and validation. Applying these techniques to your son can be highly effective. Here are some additional strategies:
Talk openly about how emotions can get too big and confusing, similar to meltdowns. Explain that stimming (self-soothing behaviors) can help manage a overload of information and sensation. Explore commonalities with your son and use that shared understanding to create a supportive dynamic.Seeking Professional Help
To manage BPD effectively, consider the following steps:
Find a therapist who specializes in treating BPD and the spectrum. Engage in classes such as DBT or CBT to develop practical tools for emotional regulation. Explore online resources to manage time, energy, and emotional capacity. Look into self-compassion resources, such as the works of Kristin Neff, to help manage emotional intensity without harming others.It's important to remember that your child may also benefit from participating in these therapies, as they will face similar challenges with emotional regulation. Working through these issues together can provide mutual support and understanding.
Conclusion: Parenting with BPD is a unique and challenging experience, but with the right strategies and support, it is possible to provide a nurturing and understanding environment for your child. Stay curious, be caring, and continue seeking professional help to stabilize and thrive.