Lessons Learned from Mistakes: A Personal Journey of Growth and Insight
Life is often a series of choices, some of which turn out to be valuable lessons for us. In this article, I'll share two significant mistakes I made and the profound lessons learned from them.
Not Breaking Off an Abusive Relationship Earlier
It's a common theme in personal narratives: the heavy duty of lingering in a toxic relationship. My last relationship, which lasted 2.5 years, was a mix of unhealthy dynamics that left a lasting impact on my mental and emotional well-being.
During this period, I experienced a myriad of negative emotions, from guilt and self-blame to depression and anxiety. She manipulated her way into controlling behaviors and even involved some dark, destructive actions like pretending to be me and communicating with my friends, leading to a breakdown in my social circle. Additionally, she blamed almost everything on me, even her parents' divorce, and resorted to self-harm and attempts to overdose on paracetamol. This was a period of immense stress and fear for me.
While in the relationship, I tried to avoid responsibility for her actions by leaving work early or arguing at inappropriate times. The aftermath of each interaction left me broken and questioning my self-worth. I felt like no matter how hard I tried, I was a bad person and deserved no better.
The turning point came when I sought therapy, and through this process, I gained a clearer understanding of what was happening. I realized the situation and decided to break up with her because I truly believed she deserved someone better. A few weeks later, I had a profound revelation about my experiences, and I recognized that you don't fully understand the nature of an abusive relationship until you are out of it. These painful lessons were not in vain; they taught me about resilience, forgiveness, and self-love.
The choice to take action, even when it was difficult, led to a significant turnaround in my life. Once I was free from the relationship, I found myself with a newfound sense of relief and optimism. Life became more vibrant and fulfilling, as I no longer had the burden of a toxic relationship weighing on my mind.
Not Pursuing Higher Education
Another pivotal decision I had to make early in my life was whether to pursue college education. While many around me saw college as a mark of success and self-worth, I made the deliberate choice to skip it. Back in the late 1980s, even the mere idea of not attending college was socially unacceptable, especially at a young age. I was in my late teens and still uncertain about my future career path, yet I decided to go into the workforce immediately.
Initially, I found a clerical and stevedoring job. However, the early 1990s recession posed a significant challenge to my career prospects. While many of my peers in college faced job scarcity and financial hardships, I was fortunate enough to retain my job despite the economic downturn. Through this experience, I learned the importance of practical skills and the value of working in various industries, from plumbing to electronics.
Despite this early success, I continued working while others faltered. My decision to stay in the workforce rather than pursue higher education ultimately proved beneficial. During the recession, it was clear that a degree could not guarantee employment, as many college students regretted their academic paths. Conversely, my job experience allowed me to develop a wide range of practical skills and maintain a stable income.
The moment came when COVID hit, and the demands of my work became too much. I had to leave the stevedoring job early on, but this choice taught me resilience and the value of professional experience over an academic degree. In the end, I am grateful for the mistake of going to work early on and not pursuing college, as it provided me with a solid foundation of real-world skills and a strong work ethic.
Conclusion
Both of these decisions – not breaking off an abusive relationship and not pursuing higher education – were indeed mistakes, but they brought significant insights and personal growth. These experiences underscore the value of facing challenges head-on and the importance of self-reflection and personal resilience.