Understanding Lies and Excuses in Borderline Personality Disorder

Individuals with borderline personality disorder (BPD) often share unique insights into their own behaviors and emotional experiences. One fundamental question that arises is whether people with BPD understand lies or excuses from others. This article delves into personal experiences and perspectives, shedding light on the intricacies involved.

Personal Insight from Someone with BPD

From a personal standpoint, **Emma** (name changed for privacy), who has been diagnosed with BPD, reflects on how she interacts with lies and excuses in her daily life. Emma states, 'I do not look for lies unless I have a reason to. I might idly or habitually or automatically struggle to tell between those two and decide if something is a lie, but by and large, I just do not care. The value of truth is a very situational thing and although I do it too much, you should always at least be aware and intentional when you deceive someone. It annoys me mostly because the lies I am most immediately familiar with are people lying or exaggerating to get me to give them something I would have given anyway. And it's not the thing of money; it's the theft of a chance to exercise my will, which I care about very much.'

Perceptions of Lies and Excuses in Everyday Interactions

For Emma, the routine lies and excuses encountered in general interactions are generally not something she bothers to check or cares much about. She notes, 'There are other levels of lie that I will almost definitely care about to a greater degree, but the everyday stuff that comes up in general interaction is very much not something I will bother to check or care much or long about if I notice.' Her approach suggests a high tolerance for small transgressions and a focus on more significant issues.

Amidst the Struggle, Authenticity Prevails

Emma also mentions her tendency to avoid social awkwardness by accepting lies that help achieve this. 'There are some lies that I am very much with everyone in appreciating but somewhat less accompanied in the acknowledgement of my appreciation. Feed me lies that avoid social awkwardness all day please and thank you. Any lie, any reason, any time. If it avoids something awkward or difficult that is not needed, I will actively refuse to even consider that it might not be truthful. And if I am forced to notice it, I will silently thank you.' This speaks to her pragmatic approach to relationships, where maintaining social harmony is prioritized, even if it involves accepting dishonesty.

Personal Accountability and Behavioral Boundaries

**Olivia** (name changed for privacy), another individual with BPD, provides a stark contrast to Emma. She states, 'I am a very straight-talking person. If I promise to do something for someone, I will do it! And on time. I cannot handle excuses from others. It is very rarely, if ever, that I would even ask a favor from anyone. But if I did have the courage to ask, as I would feel humiliated if they refused, do not say you'll do it, then not turn up! Some people... ' Olivia's insistence on honesty and accountability highlights the contrasting nature of experiences among individuals with BPD.

Conclusion

The understanding and acceptance of lies or excuses from people with BPD can vary widely. Emma and Olivia's experiences illustrate that while some individuals might have a higher tolerance for minor dishonesty, others demand honesty and accountability. Both perspectives offer insight into the complex emotional and social dynamics experienced by individuals with BPD.

Individuals with BPD should not be stereotyped or generalized. Each person's experience and reaction to lies and excuses are unique and multifaceted. Understanding and empathy from others are crucial in fostering healthy relationships and promoting overall well-being.